A relatives is at the dinner table. The son asks his sister, 'Dad, how plenty of kinds of boobs are there?'

The sister, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there's kinds of Boobs. In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm. In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still lovely but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions'.

'Onions?'

'Yes, you see them and they make you sob.'

The brother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through phases. In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree.'

This infuriated his spouse and daughter so the daughter said, 'Mum, how plenty of kinds of 'willies' are there?'.

'A Christmas tree?'

'Yes - the root's dead and the balls are for adornment.'




Embarrassing moments The following are the top
winners of a Most Embarrassing Moments Contest in New Woman Journal.


one.
Vote:

one)"While in line at the bank afternoon, my child decided to
release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was one time finally able to grab
hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and irritation from other
patrons. I told her that if he did not start behaving *right now*,
he would be punished. To my horror, he looked me in the eye and said
in a voice as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I
will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
"The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the
tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered up the last of my
dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last
thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter"
* Amy Richardson; Stafford,Virginia
two)"It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was one time living at home,
but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my
girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. "As they lay in bed after
having sex, they heard the phone ring downstairs. I suggested to my
girlfriend that I give her a piggyback ride to the phone. Since they
didn't require to miss the call, they didn't have time to dress. When
they got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on as well as a
whole crowd of people yelled, 'SURPRISE!' My whole relatives - aunts,
uncles, Grandparents, cousins and all my friends were standing there!
My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock and embarrassment
for what appeared like an eternity. "Since then, no in my relatives has
planned a surprise party again." * Tim Cahill; Poughkeepsie, New York
three)A lady who picked up several items at a discount store. When he
finally got up to the checker, he learned that of her items had
no cost tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the
intercom and boomed out for all the store to listen to: "PRICE CHECK ON
LANE THIRTEEN,TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE." That was bad , but someone at
the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "tampax" for
"THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the
intercom: "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE
KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"

Section: Situations
Send this joke to a mate



A young man walks in to a singles bar with a roll of quarters taped inside
the crotch of his denims. He looks around, then sits next to the most
beautiful woman there. He was over happy with himself after he noticed
her constantly glancing down at his crotch. "Hi, there, I am Jerry," he
said, as he went in to of his well rehearsed routines, "and I help
produce a T.V. quiz show. Is there any query I can answer for you?" "As
a matter of fact there is," he said as he glanced down one time more toward
his embellished denims. "Do you have modify for a dollar?"


The farmer says, "We had a fire in the chicken coop & all his feathers got singed off, so the spouse made him some clothes to keep him warm. There ain't nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with foot & get his pants down with the other."

A salesman is speaking to a farmer when they looks over & sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, & suspenders. They says, "What the hell is that all about?"

A man in a bar sees a mate at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the mate they comments, "You look dreadful. What is the issue?"

"My brother died in June," they said, "and left me $10,000."

"Gee, that is hard," they replied.

"Then in July," the mate continued, "My sister died leaving me $50,000."

"And last month my aunt died, & left me $15,000."

"Wow. parents gone in months. No wonder you are depressed."

"Then this month," continued the mate, "nothing!"

"Three close relatives members lost in months? How mournful."

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the scholars, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, & the male dormitory to the female students. Somebody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

They continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?"